Kalis Mardiasih

 Let's hurry up and get our business on removing this outdated myth of sexual violence quickly resolved. The first myth, men are cats that are not strong when treated to salted fish. Sometimes, the male turns into a fly that surrounds unpacked candy. Men are not cats and are not flies. Men are humans who are no longer primitive. He received education in mathematics, language and moral training since he was deemed capable enough to communicate. Animals do not receive knowledge in educational and religious institutions.

Over the centuries, animals had stopped in the process of evolution to simply fulfill the power of gut and sex. To this day, animals are still killing each other but they are killing each other for a source of food. Meanwhile, humans, since farming and living in an area have decided to build a life system that is more impartial and non-violent.

Men are human beings with all human potential who can educate themselves not to rape. Men are human beings with all human potential who can distinguish between haq (rightness) and bathil (falsehood).

The second myth, women who dress up or wear certain clothes mean to invite men to tease her. Please stop this Ge-eR (feeling too much confidence) from the past. Women dress up to love themselves. A woman wears clothes that she likes according to function and respects her own feelings. Women never assume anything about the clothes worn by men. So, men also don't need to guess the meaning of women's clothes. Even more foolish, certain clothes of a woman mean that she is ready to be raped. It is foolishness above foolishness. The problem is that elementary school students who wear school uniforms are victims of rape. Santriwati (female students of an Islamic boarding school) who wore full length clothes became victims of rape. The wife, who wears daily clothes in the house as usual, who can ask for consent for sexual intercourse, can easily become a victim of rape.

Myth number three three, the silence of women means a yes. It's wrong. A woman who is silent means that she doesn't know how to make a deal, is in doubt, or is even in a position of fear.

Junior high school students who are victims of sexual violence by teachers will remain silent when they start being seduced or threatened. This is not a sign that they agree, but fear due to lame domination of power. The California Commission of Judicial Performance also published a research on tonic immobility, which is a condition of temporary paralysis when a victim experiences sexual assault. This temporary paralysis is said to be similar to the condition of catatonia, which is a condition in which a person cannot move, speak, and respond to any stimulation the body receives.

The incident of rape is not always as described by the film in the form of screaming, resistance and then escaping from the perpetrator. Some rape incidents did not even involve violence. For example, rape of a biological father (as perpetrator) to his own child, which was committed since the victim was a child. The perpetrator gave unwanted touches to the victim's genitals and body. The victim understands the action as harmless. The perpetrator began to penetrate the victim's genitals. The perpetrator manipulates the victim so that the victim doesn't fight back. The victim felt it was something strange and hurt her body, but the victim, a 7 year old girl, could not define what happened to her.

One time, the child victim felt pain in her genitals. He told the event of what she experienced to her mother. The mother who grew up in a traditional culture did not understand sexual violence either. She chose to ignore the story of violence experienced by the child, asked the child to forget and advised her not to tell it to anyone. After all, the father is still the head of the family whose honor must be guarded, said by the mother.

The trauma that remains on the body cannot be deceived. When the child is an adult, she begins to be exposed to information about sexual violence. She wanted to start a fight, even though she had not yet got a clue which point to pass.

Myth number four, when two people are in a romantic relationship, then automatically the partner has the right to do anything to the other partner. This is a myth that is quite complicated to break down, but this time we have to keep it up. In a simple way, your partner is not an item. When you buy a new cell phone, then you are free to do anything and any time with it. But, again, your partner is not an item.

Your partner is indeed a human who has a will and has rights to decide anything for their life.

When two people get married, the traditional perception is suddenly to divide household duties into the duties of the wife and the duties of the husband. The wife's duty is to be obedient, submissive and must not against, including for matters of sexual relations. As if, sexual relations are only the needs of the husband (male). In fact, both women and men have sexual desire. Sexual relations in marital relationships must be carried out equally, mutually willing and based on affection. Not control, domination and threat.

The agreement to have sexual relations also applies to a husband-wife relationships. The terms of this matter may change and may be updated. For example, wives require their husbands to always clean their genitals before having sex because female genitals are more susceptible to bacteria, fungi and other sources of disease. The agreement should also be clear and pronounced not in a drowsy or helpless state from exhaustion.

Does it sound too much? No, It doesn't. Values that sound new must be supported if they are for the good of all humans. Understanding consent is not something complicated. The understanding of consent, which is always respecting the agreements and approval made by a partner, is actually very simple and very cool.

Myth number five, the perpetrator's future will be destroyed if the victim announces cases of sexual violence to the public. This is ridiculous. The destruction of the perpetrator's future is due to the violence he committed against the victim. Perpetrators lose their positions because perpetrators of sexual violence do not deserve to have positions. Perpetrators lose social status because perpetrators of sexual violence do not deserve respectable status. As devastating as the perpetrators were, the most devastated were victims who suffered physical damage, lost confidence in themselves, endured emotional wounds and felt worthless for life.

There are such the myths about sexual violence. Oh ya, and if someone still believes that the victim was sexually assaulted because she came home late at night, remember that perpetrators of sexual violence can deceive victims in the house, in the classroom, and also in the office. Anytime, when the perpetrator's brain shrinks into a shit.